Merry-go-round

My ex-wife and I are considering trying getting back together again after four years of divorce. However, although we're more mature now, I'm still concerned that we'll fall back into the same damaging habits that ended the first marriage. How can we make this new commitment work?

Much more than effectively considering getting back, this raised a lot of thoughts in my wrecked brains.

While it's tempting to try to resurrect love after it goes all wrong, you've got a lot of work ahead of you, since second efforts don't often work out as the partners would hope. And there's a reason: Couples rarely pour more than a few weak drops of sweat into self-examination and the hard work of renewing a bond, which ensures that the same dynamics that caused the wreckage the first time will arise again. If we're betting on a happier ending, we can't rerun your old dramas. Instead, we'll have to be painfully honest with each other by dropping our defenses and fighting the urge to assign blame for past or current indiscretions.

Of course, we weren't able to manage those tricks before our divorce, so what makes us think you can do it now? That's not a rhetorical question--and neither are the five listed below. Me and my ex should consider them seriously, write down our answers, then share prejudice or defensiveness:

* Which of my actions and personality traits contributed to the difficulties in my marriage?

* What unrealistic expectations kept me from seeing and hearing my partner clearly?

* Which attributes do I need to cultivate to make this new relationship a success?

* What behaviors do I need to change to become a better partner?

* What strategies do I need to acquire to make those changes?

The final question is: Is that all about me? Should I get back to my ex-wife or someone else I had before?Or should I never consider getting back to anyone?If the world turns to the same point everyday, are we turning back in time unconciously and re-living the same mistakes over and over, because after all, the Moon is the same up there in the sky at night, no matter what you change down here....