Sans moi

Tu t'en vas sans moi, ma vie.
Tu roules.
Et moi j'attends encore de faire un pas.
Tu portes ailleurs la bataille.
Tu me désertes ainsi.
Je ne t'ai jamais suivie.
Je ne vois pas clair dans tes offres.
Le petit peu que je veux, jamais tu ne l'apportes.
A cause de ce manque, j'aspire à tant.
A tant de choses, à presque l'infini...
A cause de ce peu qui manque, que jamais tu n'apportes.

Alexander

I am a person looking for happiness...
I've forgiven the most unforgivable mistakes
I've tried to replace the unreplaceble and forget the unforgettable
I've done things by impulse
I've been disappointed by people I never thought would disappoint me, but I've disappointed people as well
I've hold you to protect you
I've laughed when I shouldn't
I had eternal friends
I've loved and was loved, but I've also been rejected
I had lovers who I haven't loved
I've jumped and screamed for being happy
I've lived for love and made promises
I've hit the wall many times
I've cried listening to our songs and looking at our pictures
I've called you to listen to your voice
I've fell in love for a smile
I thought I would die when I missed you the most
I've been afraid of losing someone special, and I did

But I've lived and I am still alive, not here by chance
I fight
I'm determined
I hold life with all my strenght and live it passionately
I can take my defeat
and will boudly win
for the world belongs to those who dare and life is too important to be small

Before criticizing, look inside yourself. Who never made a mistake?
I've chosen a love for being afraid to lose it
I've lost love for hiding it
I held hands when I was afraid
I've been so afraid I couldn't even feel my hands
I've thrown people I loved out of my life
and it hurts, regrets...
Spent nights crying till I fell asleep
I've gone to bed so happy I couldn't close my eyes...

I've believed in perfect love
Until I found it doesn't exist
I've loved people who disappointed me
I've disappointed people who loved me
I've spent hours in front of a mirror trying to find out who the hell I am
I've been so sure about what I am that I wanted to vanish
I've lied and felt bad about it
I've told the truth and felt bad as well
I've pretended I didn't care and then I cried for making you feel less
I've laughed when I wanted to cry
I've laughed my ass off
I've believed in the wrong ones
and I didn't believe in the good ones

I missed you and never told you how, only not to make you suffer,
I've yelled when I should be quiet
I didn't say what I meant to please you
and I said what I didn't mean just to hurt you

I fell so many times and I thought I'd never stand up
I stood up so many times so I believed I would never fall again
I've called people my friends and found out they were not
Some others I never called anything and they've been angels in my life

Don't give me recipes for life, for I don't want to be always right
Don't show me what you expect from me, for I want to follow my heart
and surprise you
Don't try to turn me into someone else
Don't invite me to be like anyone else
For I want to be nuts and different

I don't know what love is if it is not gonna be forever
I cannot live lies
I cannot fly if grounded
I am always myself
But surely not the same
For each day I get closer
to that river
where my dreams flow
and you will be
with me
forever

Friends

For too long,longer than I should, I've been too inocent when calling someone a friend.
I saw friends stabbing me by putting on fire a fragile relationship in a moment of crisis.
They've made it, and now they may be happy.
Then when I went to face them to understand why people do this, mostly when they say they are your friends, I heard: I was not your friend.
The question is, should I love or hate myself for being so naive and allowing this kind of abuse to any reasonable thought?
Or should I hate myself for being with someone for that long that could believe these friends than believing me?
Non, pas du tout.
Je pense que je suis chanceux d'avoir pas des amis comme ça dans ma vie et j'ai envie d'etre la pour voir le jour ou ces memes amis vont faire du mal a qui m'a cru pas.

Revenge and forgiveness

A colleague asked me to read his book.
I will and I could see it is about revenge....Alexander, from UK, I promise I will read it and write something about it.

I don't believe in revenge, I believe life takes its course and drives everything to the right place by itself.

Fair enough, being happy is the best revenge.

I have no hard feelings and I thank those who hurted me for now I have a stronger heart and I've learned not to settle for lees than what I need, understanding my value and building a quite solid self-confidence.

My self-confidence allows me to see who I am with my qualities and flaws, recognize my mistakes and be human enough to admit it and just say 'I am sorry'.

Nevertheless, there is a very thin line separating self-confidence from arrogance....and when arrogance comes with conviction that you are the best of breed,always right,etc...that's just an eternal source of sorrow and pain for those who play the ridiculous game of thinking they are too good to forgive...

Voyons donc....it's just sad

Trust Life....

Later that night I heard something on tv and I am not the kind of guy to believe or pay that attention to what tv shows but I could help but overheard something that sounded familiar.
What all of our last partners have in common but yourself?
Why do we insist in picking and keeping relationships we know that won't work?
Funny eh?
So I chosed not do to it anymore.
I did it for all my life.
I have to be fair to myself and to the other part.
Even if I feel needy to hell, I won't settle for nothing less than what I dream of.
And guess what?
Bingo.
Life is so funny and it has a funnier way to come to you with the answers when you seem like you are giving up on looking for them.
The answer came through the eyes of a dreamer I'm becoming,hopefully forever,for good.
'Bout time....

Kevin...

These days I got to thinking that my dreams were gone and found myself feeling kinda adrift in life.
Actually I've been luckier than I think.
All my greatest dreams came true quite early in my life.
But my greatest dream is now 8 years old.
Kevin, you are the best thing that ever happened to me.
You will always be my beloved dream son.
In my most beautiful dreams of becoming a father, I could never dream of a kid like you.
Sweet, lovely and so like me in all senses.
When you were a newborn in that hospital, fighting for your life I was there cheering up every second of your soul brilliance to my existence.
You are my best friend and the translation of love and light to my life.
You are my inspiration, my hope and my faith in life.
Eternity will never be enough for me to thank God for the gift he gave me to send me you as my dream son, my beloved Kevin.
Thank you for being the kid you are and making me realize that my dreams came true.
I love you with all my heart and soul, forever

Fool?Maybe not really...

I felt like a fool I had gone so far out on a limb with my feelings that
I didn’t realize I was standing out there alone.
In a city of infinite options such as Montréal, sometimes there’s no better feeling than knowing you already have one.
If you love alone, at least you love, you're alive.
If I still love you, lucky you.
Screw me once, shame on you. Screw me twice, shame on me!

Why mirrors?

I wake up on Sundays,have a look at the mirror and think, who the fuck are you, Mr Alexander???
Later that night I got to thinking about Narcissus, a man so consumed with his own image he drowned in it. Did he have no best friends to mirror back and help him reveal himself? And why is it that we can see our friends perfectly but when it comes to ourselves, no matter how hard we look, do we ever see ourselves clearly?
Nah....

Looking back....

Parece cocaína mas é só tristeza, talvez tua cidade.
Muitos temores nascem do cansaço e da solidão
E o descompasso e o desperdício herdeiros são
Agora da virtude que perdemos.

Há tempos tive um sonho, não me lembro
não me lembro...

Tua tristeza é tão exata
E hoje o dia é tão bonito
Já estamos acostumados
A não termos mais nem isso.

Os sonhos vêm e os sonhos vão
O resto é imperfeito.

Disseste que se tua voz tivesse força igual
À imensa dor que sentes
Teu grito acordaria
Não só a tua casa
Mas a vizinhança inteira.

E há tempos nem os santos têm ao certo
A medida da maldade
Há tempos são os jovens que adoecem
Há tempos o encanto está ausente
E há ferrugem nos sorrisos
E só o acaso estende os braços
A quem procura abrigo e proteção.

Meu amor, disciplina é liberdade
Compaixão é fortaleza
Ter bondade é ter coragem
Ela disse: "Lá em casa tem um poço
mas a água é muito limpa."

(extracts from Ha Tempos, Legiao Urbana , pop rock, Brazil)

Blue is the color of my dreams